Thursday, August 04, 2005

Deo for my BO

This one takes place while I was a sophomore at College. I was home for Christmas break. I was dating a girl that I was just wild for named Blythe. I was driving to her house and as I turned the wheel a puff of air came up through my winter coat from under my arm. It smelled like a hot beef sandwich. Oh no!! I can't have BO on my date!!!! Well I was in real trouble here because I was running about five minutes late and I was already halfway to her house.
There was no time to go home and deodorant up.

The only thing around was a gas station and I pulled into it, desperate. I remembered that some gas stations had little personal affects sections back by the sunglasses and whatnot. So I zoomed in and found the section. Combs, toothbrushes and toothpaste, individual travel soaps and mouthwash, condoms, but no deodorant! I checked twice. The closest thing I could find to deodorant was. . . a tube of menthol chapstick. I looked around nervous, but that was it. So I bought it and rushed out to the car.

I took my coat off and sat there looking at the tube. I looked around and noticed that there was a woman pumping gas into her car, staring straight through my windshield at me. I waited a moment for her to look away, but she did not. I gestured wildly for her to look in another direction, but that only concentrated her gaze upon me. Humiliated, but also frustrated I said aloud in my car, "Okay. If you want to see something, I'll show you something!" and furiously plunged the chapstick into the neck of my shirt and started vigorously rubbing it one armpit and then the other.

I don't know why I bothered to replace the cap as there was obviously no longer any question as to the chapstick's ability to remain fresh. Then I peeled out of the gas station with that goggle-eyed lookey-loo staring at me the whole time.

The chapstick deodorant was strange. Firstly it was very waxy and yet also greasy. I felt as if each armpit hair had become the wick of it's own candle. My arms slid over my sides as I turned the wheel. Secondly as I drove down the road, I felt the unusual sensation of my mentholated armpits tingling. And the third and most bizarre aspect of it is that it worked. My BO was gone and Blythe was never any the wiser.

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